girlfriend material?

Wednesday is his Friday. Yardhouse and their delicious exotic beers has become a ritual, like a grown up version of penny beer night. He likes Mike and Monkey and Alex and was interested in Alex's war stories and talked to Maria about Dexter. I adore that he gets along with my friends.

He holds my hand while we walk to the restaurant. He kisses me. I love his kisses. Later in the night he asks why I think he's such a good kisser. I tell him its because he puts passion behind his kisses. Its the truth. On the way back to the car after the evening is over, he's holding my hand and pulling me close and says "I know what you want." Jokingly, I reply with "Well, I certainly hope so. Otherwise, you'd just be oblivious." We talk on the way to the cars, kiss when we get there. He comes home with me.

I hate bringing boys home; I just don't feel right doing it. Jess isn't home when we get there. We go to my room and cuddle and kiss and talk. "Why can't you just think of me as the guy you call when you want to have a good time?" he asks. I move away a little and tell him its because I'm too old for that, and I'm just not that girl any more. We talk about what makes a girl "girlfriend material" and deep down I know that I'm not going to fit into that category. He starts to give me a list. "Someone who is ladylike; doesn't sleep with a guy on the first date..." I laugh and reply "damn, well I'm 0 for 2 right now" and make a sad face (just out of natural reaction, not cause I was really sad). He tried to reassure me that I am, in fact, girlfriend material. He let it slip that his friends don't think I am. I think that may be one of the things holding him back. He said that more importantly kindness, compassion, and empathy are the qualities he looks for in a girlfriend. +3 for blondie.

He says we're in lust with each other. I think its more than that. I mean come on, we've come full circle in the last year and I still want him and its quite obvious that he still wants me. I just can't seem to get past his walls.

I feel so safe with him, and I told him this. He asked why and I gave him all my reasons. I love getting inside his head; he thinks that holding hands is more intimate than kissing and he'll kiss on a first date, but he won't necessarily hold her hand. Interesting, right? He also doesn't like to sleep with a girl on the first date and got mad about a girl that did that. His mind blows me away.

I tell him I'm addicted to his kisses and he asks why. He tells me the reasons that he thinks and I agree with all of them and tell him that it's mostly because he puts so much passion into it. When he kisses me, I can tell that he means it and it's not fake. Lots of kisses were received after this and I was more than happy to oblige.

He tells me secrets and we cuddle and things get a little out of hand. Damn my squeaky bed! He said we'll just use his place as our sex lair. I thought that was hilarious. And all kinds of adorable.

I still don't know where we stand or what he wants or anything like that. I guess time will tell.