tickled pink, left feeling blue

"Alcohol is truth serum," he says. Secrets are spilled late at night in long conversations in the cold. Maybe it was just the weather or the fact that he was away or the city itself, but he told me all these wonderful things. I fell in love with him a little more that night. "You're definitely girlfriend material," he says. My heart skipped a beat. He wants me to meet his parents. HE. WANTS. ME. TO. MEET. HIS. PARENTS. Why does that freak me out? My heart skipped a beat. He was talking about coming up to meet mine. At Christmas. Secretly, I've barely told mine about him. I felt bad. My heart skipped a beat. "I like being single... I keep thinking about what happened last time we dated," he said. My heart got heavy. I felt it break a little, I think. He reassured me that he missed me. He really really likes me, he says. I really really like him. A lot, a lot.

I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

He sent me cute messages. He wanted to make me want him. He wants to be less in control and more... something. It was super sexy. I miss him.

He got really distant. Things got weird. I didn't think too much of it at first, I just missed him more and more. 'That's a good thing,' I told myself. Plus, he was working.

Twitter is an evil, evil thing. Confessions come out in 140 characters. "Feeling pretty good from an awesome first date last night. There's really nothing like a little spontaneous romance during the holidays." says his twitter. My heart skips a beat. I feel my heart break a little. I feel like I'm on fire. I confront him. I get bitchy. I'm a special kind of bitch; I make him tell me about his date. I'm better now, I'm still pissed though. Apparently, she asked him out. Not that that makes any difference. I felt so hurt. "I'm even more confused now," I tell him. "And you think I'm not?" he says. I feel betrayed. I was under the impression that we were dating exclusively. I guess not. My heart skipped a beat.

"I'm having such a hard time figuring out what to get you for Christmas," he says later that night. A while later he says "I finally got it. It's girly and very you." I smile, I can't help it.

Damn this forgiving nature of mine. I think things are better? We had planned to go out tonight, but that was before he went to Washington and before he went on his date with another girl. I guess we'll see what happens. I haven't talked to him today. I don't want to come off as pushy or overly girly. Let him come find me. I'm worth fighting for, damnit.